“Tell me, Watson, what would compel a bike enthusiast—nay, a fervent
scoot-loving devotee, a gear-head so enamored of motorcycles that he opened his
own aftermarket parts dealership—to petition the United States government to
investigate the very industry that put meat pies on his dinner table?”
“Are you
speaking of that fellow featured in the Washington Post recently, Mr. Rick
Doyle, I believe?”
“The very same, Watson. Mr. Rick Doyle. A man so riddled with guilt
for having sold aftermarket parts that ‘appeared
to violate federal standards,’ that he launched a federal case against his own fraternity.”
“Rather a
curious name, wouldn’t you agree, Holmes? Doyle? Bit of a diphthong, I should
say.”
“By the Post’s own account, Mr. Doyle was remorseful about selling
custom parts that may not have met existing
federal standards—undersized mirrors, custom headlights, and the like—and parts for which
no federal standards yet exist. But
surely one does not reweave one’s own recombinant DNA over an Arlen Ness Micro Mirror.
“Nor would a genuine bike aficionado call for additional regulations
of any kind, let alone for aftermarket parts that have not been associated with
increased risk. As the Post itself reported, ‘no one knows whether noncompliant
or potentially dangerous parts have contributed to the problems on the roads.’ Clever
phrase, that— ‘potentially dangerous parts.’ Absolutely meritless on the facts,
yet imbued with subliminal emotional impact.”
“One
hardly knows which syllable to accent, Holmes. DOY-ul sounds boorish, bordering
on developmentally stunted, while doy-UL sounds practically French! Such an
awful name, really.”
“This is no small matter, Watson. The Post quotes a veritable hot-headed
league of safety custodians—NHTSA, the EPA, the American Lung Association, and,
God save us, the trial lawyer tag-team duo of Joan Claybrook and Clarence Ditlow.”
“Still,
the name Doyle has a familiar ring to it. Doyle … Doyle … Holmes, might I have a
distant cousin named Doyle?”
“This case is a text-book example of trial by media, Watson. See
here. In not one instance does the reporter definitively link unregulated aftermarket
parts to injury or fatality. Yet, in an
effort to beguile us into believing such a causal relationship exists, she
cites a fatality that was precipitated by a ruptured inner tube.
“Clearly, one does not conjure inner tubes when contemplating
aftermarket parts. The linkage here is the source of the tube, Custom Chrome, a
leading aftermarket supplier at the time. But that link snaps when we learn
that Custom Chrome testified in court that the inner tube met federal, state and
industry standards.
“In a desperate attempt to lead us into the valley of fear,
the reporter recounts how a solitary cyclist suffered multiple injuries
when the bike he built from a ‘kit’ collapsed under him. But this second stain
on the industry is orders of magnitude beyond the ‘potentially dangerous’ aftermarket
products. One cannot, in good conscience, conflate aftermarket parts and ‘kit
bikes.’
“It seems our reporter has slapped the bike-kit angle onto her story
in an effort to turbo-charge the case against the entire aftermarket industry, much in the manner of the very aftermarket industry she reviles.”
“I say, I
am making no progress recollecting my relationship with a Doyle. Not unlike a
writer’s block, I’m afraid.”
You following the sidebar? |
“Now here is where things get curious, Watson. Throughout the Post
article, Mr. Doyle is described variously as ‘an Ohio motorcycle parts dealer,’
or a ‘dealer of aftermarket motorcycle parts.’ Not once is he identified with
the bike-kit trade. Yet, According to the Ohio Attorney General’s office, ‘approximately
ten consumers have filed complaints against [Mr. Doyle’s] business. They paid
from $12,999 - $19,250 for their motorcycle
kits … but never received the orders or refunds.’
“It would seem, dear Watson, that Mr. Doyle was wallet-deep in the
bike-kit game. Someone in that position would make an expert witness for some industrious trial lawyer pursuing class
action against the aftermarket industry, wouldn’t you agree, Watson?”
“I’ve given in,
Holmes. The mysterious Doyle has gotten the better of me. Up for a little
telly? ‘Arthur’ is on HBO but ‘Conan’ has that delightful Martin Freeman as his
guest tonight.”
Figured it out, have you? |
“No time, Watson. That fellow from the American Lung Association has already said, ‘We
need to go after the manufacturers and retailers,’ and I take him at his word.
The game is afoot. A class-action suit is in the offing. We need to act fast if
justice is to be served.”