Netflakes

It wasn't your royal 60% price-hike decree.

It wasn't the fact that you executed the Netflix DVD brand in front of your 25 million (and dropping fast) subscribers.

It wasn't even the embarrassing way you practically begged the guy who already owned the Qwikster Twitter handle -- you know, the guy with the Blaze-Me Elmo icon -- to extort you for the rights to the name.

No. What really earned you the Golden Dilbert for PR malfeasance was the video.

The video.

Here's what I heard you say:

"We're making this video today to apologize in person, or at least on camera, for something that we did recetly."

"The boys at the firm say this gag works better than roses. A veritable get-out-of-jail-free card."

"When we communicated [our plan] to our subscribers -- and it involves a substantial price increase for most members -- I didn't make the communication and we didn't explain why we were doing it."

"'Substantial' in little air quotes. I mean, it's a couple of bucks. You just got your panties in a twist because I didn't tell you in person. Well, here I am!"

"If I had communicated it directly to all of our members, it wouldn't change the actual price increase."

"So what's really got you down? Is it a lady thing?"

"To wrap up, I just want to say again how sorry I am of the way that we handled the communication around these big changes."

"So wipe your eyes, sweetheart. Daddy's sorry for his tone. Now, be a doll and fix me a drink, will ya?"

Lesson: If you don't really mean it, the "I'm-in-charge-and-I'm-sorry" play will backfire.